What are Time-Ins?
Many caregivers and parents use them instead of Time Outs. There are many ways to do it, you can cuddle, paint, run around in circles out side….whatever it takes to help your child get those yucky feelings out.
(watch out for a post on Time-In ideas soon, check the Blog Topics menu and click “Time In” for all my posts about Time In).
Time-In is about looking for the reason behind the behavior, instead of punishing the behavior.
I would really like to have people look at tantrums and “bad” behaviors differently, I want you to try seeing that the child is actually having difficulty—they need our (the caregiver’s) help.
What helps me remember to tune in is to ask myself, “what do they actually need right now?” Are they tired, hungry, frustrated about something? Is timeout going to make your child feel better or acquire coping skills? No probably not. They will most likely feel more frustrated, confused, and alone.
Dr. Laura Markham explained this best for me…
“Time-Outs don’t teach children to regulate their emotions. You’re giving your child the message that his emotions are unacceptable in your presence – and that he’s all alone to learn to manage them.”
Here is the link to that website. It is a great positive parenting source…
Think about how you would feel if you were having a rough day and your significant other, the person whom you confide in, ignored your needs to vent and walked away from you —– waiting for you to “calm down.” Would you actually calm down or would you feel rejected? Try reflecting on this for a moment…. .
Using Time-In helps our children to grow into emotionally intellectual adults who will be able to regulate their behaviors in healthy ways.
I would like you to see yourself as a teacher, guide, and role model instead of a director expecting obedience. I think a lot of parents spend most of their parenting days trying to get their kids to “listen” rather than teach them to manage and identify their emotions. The more you practice supporting your kids through hard times, the less hard those times will be.
I have some great stories about my Time-In experiences with Sunshine in other posts. If you would like to get a better idea about what Time-In is, take a look at those blogs!
Also, a book that helped me on my journey to positive discipline was the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. Here’s an Amazon link…. (they should be paying me to market them!)